“Is it even worth it?”

“What do you mean?” My consoler asked. 

“Is it worth feeling? I think I was happier before I knew what I was feeling. Is it worth unraveling all that I think I know? Will it ever get better?” The words stumbled out of my mouth like a desperate cry for help.

“This will get more difficult before it gets easier. Unearthing emotional pain is like choosing to walk into the trenches of war. Relearning thought patterns takes years of practice. Position yourself with Christ. He himself walked through the deepest emotional pain. Jesus will see you through to the other side.”

I let these words sink in. Position myself with Christ. 

“Sometimes I am afraid that I will get caught in my emotions. That I will sink so far down into this pit I won’t ever be able to get back up. I feel stuck because I have always operated this way. As long as I can remember. Why am I like this?” I could not hide my self-loathing. I felt trapped in a pit. A deep one. 

“When we are children, God gives us an amazing resilience and coping mechanisms to get through life. You could call them gifts. As we become adults, he calls us to leave those behind, growing into maturity. Do not despise how you operated as a young person. It was a gift from God. But if you continue operating how you always have, the gift turns against you, that is what will keep you stuck. Position yourself with Christ. He is not afraid of the pit you are in. He is down in the dark with you.”

I knew she was right. Jesus descended into the deepest, darkest pit when he hung on the cross. He has seen the deepest and the darkest of places, he is not afraid or surprised or baffled at why we might be struggling. Dark times in life are so evidently real that Jesus overcame the ultimate pit called death so that he could sit with you and I in our dark places with understanding and compassion and grace and strength.  

Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.”

I used to read this verse and think, “if Jesus did not sin then I should have the strength not to sin.” Anyone else? I totally missed the beautiful point of the grace and gift of having a savior who understands. Jesus understands. He is our high priest. He is the one who goes to the Father on our behalf. Not a savior with the wagging finger of guilt, but a gracious, strong, compassion, fearless warrior who knows how immobilizing the pit can be. He is with you. He is sitting right beside you in the dark, with his arm around you. Let us position ourselves in Christ. Let us lean into the one who has all the strength and all the power to overcome any pit we may face. 

The words of a dear and faithful friend resonate here…

“The pit is where Daniel learned that God was his protector. The pit is where Daniel learned that God was his provider. The pit is where Daniel learned that God will do the impossible, he will do what no one else can do to enter  our pain, to seal the mouths of the lions we face, to overcome for us what we cannot overcome ourselves. The pit looks like a death trap, but when we position ourselves to face the pit with Jesus, beautiful and wonderful treasures await us.”