“ If you could go back and give yourself some words of advice at the start of this  journey with your son, what would it be?” 

Without hesitation she replied, “I would say be kind to yourself. And know that your other kids will be great.” 

I was instantly in tears. Taken aback by how this mom of four grown children, one with special needs, had spoken directly and simply to to both my guilt and fear with one answer. 

“Be kind to yourself” kept creeping up in my heart and mind. It was such a foreign concept to me. My personality is one that I take care of others first and always, I am more aware of what others are feeling than I am of my own feelings and the two most challenging questions for me to answer are “what are you feeling? And what do you need/want?” The skill of articulating what I am feeling has been an area God has been growing me in for the last decade. It used to take me days to figure out and articulate if I was bothered or upset, now I can do this within a couple hours and occasionally, on the spot. 

Figuring out what I need/want is a new skill I am working on.  So the idea of being kind to myself was foreign and felt wrong somehow. I decided to lean into the wisdom of those who had gone before me. I knew my feelings in this area should not be trusted. I took a deep breath and felt the weight of despair, that made its home on my chest and shoulders, get a little lighter. 

Once again, God was showing up in the kind words of a stranger. Pointing me back to resting in him instead of of striving in my own strength. Strength that had given out a long time ago and I was just clueing in to the long term effects. 

The words of someone who has gone before you can unlock your heart. You don’t need the same journey.

Power lies in our stories, pointing us back to the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Pointing us to the one who makes all things new. 

I am thankful for the real and broken story shared in Lamentations. It is a gift to us from God. A gift that says “life is harder than you ever imagined. Let’s vent together and find peace in God together.” 

“He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked…

He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver…He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust. I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what hope is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.” I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” -Lam 3:21-23