A Good Hand
“Finley, would you like some pancakes?”
“Nigh.” she replied.
“Would you like some grilled cheese?”
“Nigh.”
“Would you like some mac-n-cheese?”
“Nigh.”
“Finley, would you like some mac-n-cheese?” I tried again.
“YEAH!”
“Ok. We will get you some.”
Our family was nestled around a table at our favorite breakfast restaurant. We had been given a gift card as a thank you gift and had been saving it for New Years Eve. The best of the 90s played through the sound system. Celebratory balloons hung from the ceiling, welcoming the new year. We went around the table saying what we were grateful for about 2022 and a goal we had for 2023.
Don’t get the wrong idea about our family. This sounds dreamy, and it was in its own way. However, there was still plenty of sibling bickering and reminders to listen to whoever was talking. One kid was hangry as they had not eaten much that morning and the wait to get into the restaurant was longer than expected. At one point in our meal I was telling one of our kids a story and they got up and walked to the bathroom, totally unaware that I was speaking to them. I looked at Matt and we both laughed.
The fact that Finley was interested in food at a restaurant was incredible to me. It is challenging to get her to eat anything at home, let alone somewhere else. I was emotionally prepared as I reminded myself that we would order the mac-n-cheese and she probably wouldn’t even eat it.
Ordering food for Fin was more about including her than the process of filling her belly. We don’t eat out often, but when we do we order her something to try. She never eats it. I am always slightly sad over the experience and frustrated by the money spent. But I give myself the reminder…it is about the relationship with her. It is our goal to help her feel included as much as possible, and this is a simple way of showing it.
The glorious food came. Huge portions of steaming comfort food. Matt set Finley’s plate down in front of her and handed her a spoon. To my surprise, she grabbed the spoon, shoved it down ito the bowl of cheesy goodness and put the spoon in her mouth. Noodles tumbled off her spoon and down her shirt as she closed her mouth around the spoon. Grabbing a napkin, Matt unfolded it and tucked it into the neck of Fin’s shirt.
“Good job, Finley!” Matt and I praised. “Are you going to eat some more?”
“Yeah!”
“Go for it girl.”
“Look, guys!” I whispered to the big three, “Finley is eating her mac-n-cheese!”
“Great job, Fin!” They offered, genuinely excited for this first.
Quiety, I snapped a picture. I wanted to remember and savor this moment. Finley tends to do things once and then does not do them again for a long time, possibly years. This was the first time in nine years we had all gone out to eat and shared a meal together.
Looking around the table at our growing kids and my sweet husband, my heart was full of gratitude.Everyone was enjoying their food, even Finley. I know we are all a mess, but we are a mess together. We are all trying to find our way through this life that God has so graciously given to us. Clumsily making our way. Sometimes we drive each other crazy and sometimes we make each other laugh so hard that we double over.
While pausing to soak in the moment I remembered the life-giving words my husband shared on my 40th birthday. “ I know people look at us and think we have been dealt a difficult hand. I say, we have been dealt a good hand.”
Matt’s words rang in my heart as I drank in that moment, at the table Dec 31st, 2022. People may have seen our family, with Fin in her wheelchair, attempting to eat mac-n-cheese with drool and noodles sliding down her face and thought, “oh that looks tough.” And to that I say, “we have been dealt a good hand.”
Romans 5:3-5 reminds us, “…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
What about you? Is there a challenge in your life that you would change if you had a magic wand?
What if God is writing a story we could never have imagined? I never wanted to be a special needs mom. Yet, here I am.
Kathrine Wolfe writes, “The good life and the hard life aren’t mutually exclusive. We can love and celebrate our stories, even the ones we never could have imagined ourselves living. I like to tell my boys, God made you to do the hard thing in the good story He’s writing for your life. And when I tell them, I remind myself too.
Is it hard? Yes. So hard. Is it good? Yes. So, so good.
Chrisann
This is so beautiful. Love you guys so much.
Julie
Heather- we live the same life that you live. You put- into beautiful words- the life we live every day. We will remember your words the next time we have a hard day. And remember- by the grace of God- we have been chosen to be the parents of a child that needs extra unconditional love and acceptance. Thank you for sharing your perfect family dinner story.
We attend Jubilee church and love your parents! God is good!!!
heathersweetman
Thank you for your encouragement. Blessings, hope and grace to your precious family.