“Hold still, darlin’.” I instructed as I struggled to get Finley’s hip wrap into place. 

“AAAAHHH!” She yelled, unhappy about laying on the floor. 

“Finley.” I said sternly. “We have to get your straps on. This is good for your hips.” I explained, doubt creeping in as I questioned my own words. I could feel frustration rising from my gut as fiery arrows flew at my heart. 

“All this energy putting on all this gear, for what?”

“What do you have to show for it?”

“All the money spent on standers, walkers, and braces for what? To basically have the same skill set that she had at age one?”

“Is this worth it?”

I was going down fast and did not have the energy to fight these thoughts on my own. “Jesus help me,” I whispered in desperation, the reality of our situation threatened to send me emotionally spiraling. 

Tired from a summer with Finley home full time, I was struggling. She had not been her happy self. The lack of structure and absence of constant help was hard on her. And although we do our best to give her structure, we are not a classroom with the same schedule every day and a full-time para to help. We are a messy, loving family of six, feebly attempting to serve God and others through church leadership.  

All that to say, I was tired to the bone and my nervous system was shot from the countless tantrums, whining and crying Finley had through the course of each day. As I struggled to put all of Finley’s gear on that morning, I floundered to hold onto any shred of truth God was speaking over me. I knew I needed community. 

Reaching for my phone, I texted a small group of friends to ask for prayer. I shared how I was struggling and needed God desperately. I was honest and vulnerable, a skill I have been growing into for the last 20 years. Left to my natural self I mask my emotions and busy myself with distraction. Just typing out the words, exposing the darkness swirling around in my heart to those close to me, caused the fiery grip to loosen. 

No matter what we are facing, God has created us for community. The longer I live, the more I experience the power of this. I am often reminded of the words of Psalm 22:1-5, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. YET you are holy, enthroned on the praises of your people. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.” (Capitalization added) 

David was in a desperate place. He was struggling and in need of God. Like my situation, and maybe your situation, David’s situation was not changing and it seemed as though God was not answering his prayer. David needed community. 

He remembered how good God had been to His people, how they trusted and obeyed him, how God rescued them. David looked at his own story- desperate for God to move.

I am desperate for God to move in my own story. There have been months and years at a time when I struggled to believe that God is present or that he hears my cries. 

Can you relate?  Are you desperate for God to move in your story? Where has doubt crept in? 

I see you, dear reader. I see the pain that you are in. My situation may be vastly different to yours, but the pain of grief is the same. 

We tend to isolate, believing that no one understands. Grief wants to keep us hidden. The grace of God pulls us out of those shadows and gently leads us to the Comforter and to community. 

So, what does David do? He looks to his community, he praises God for what he can see in the lives of those around him and those who have gone before him. 

“Ding! Ding!” My phone chirped at me. As I read the prayers and encouragements of dear friends, my soul was bolstered. I was still hurting. My situation had not changed, but my eyes were lifted to the only One who satisfies. One friend reminded me of Hebrews 12:1-2…

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run the endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith…”

We need one another. God not only gives us the community of the church, but a heavenly host of witnesses, bearing testimony to the goodness and faithfulness of God through all of their pain and suffering. 

Can you hear them cheering you on today? Adam, Eve, Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Ruth, David, Mary, John, Mathew, Luke, Peter, Paul,  just to name a few, all in the crowd, cheering us on today:

“Keep going!” 

“Keep your eyes on Jesus!” 

“It is so hard, but God is faithful!” 

“Remember your first love!” 

“He provides!” 

“He is the God of miracles!” 

“He is with you!”

“He never fails!” 

“He is building His church!” 

“He is worthy of all your worship!” 

“Keep going!”

I pray for you and for me that we are bolstered by these words today, that our eyes are lifted to the only One who sees it all and loves us still. 

Father, may we be those who run after you with all that life brings. May we be those who look to those who have gone before us and those who are around us to fix our eyes on Jesus when we do not have the strength to do it on our own. Thank you, Father, that you cause everything to change, without anything changing. That is the power of fixing our gaze on Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, that the price you paid outweighs any amount of suffering that we may bear. Thank you for being with us and for us. You never ever leave us. Thank you for placing us in community. Help us to be open with those close to us. In Jesus name, Amen. 

• #cerebralpalsy
• #cerebralpalsykids
• #mentalhealth
• #specialneeds
• cerebralpalsykids
• Choose joy
• Grief
• perspective