Permission to Feel

By
heathersweetman

December 6, 2022

“Jesus Wept.”

The words seemed to jump off the page and slap me in the face. “Jesus wept.”

I was twenty-one and had known this verse for as long as I could remember. It is classic Bible trivia, “What is the shortest verse in the bible?” Answer, “Jesus wept.”

The Word became flesh and walked into my life at the exact moment I needed saving. Permission was given by Jesus to feel deeply the emotions that I believed were “wrong.” If Jesus, the son of God, publicly did the ugly cry, how does that impact how we view and live with emotions?

Lifelong beliefs that “emotions are for the weak” and “crying is for babies” came crumbling down in my heart. Jesus was not being a baby. His display of grief was not a weakness. Can you relate? How do you view emotions?

I did not have the answers as to how emotions should look, but the belief that crying and sadness were for wusses was obliterated and left me wondering what else I had misunderstood about emotions.

Jesus, perfect Jesus, wept. He publicly wept at the grave site of a dear friend. Jesus expressed grief, deep sorrow, overpowering emotion. Not in his room, with the door closed and a pillow over his head, hoping no one would hear. No, Jesus wept publicly without shame or apology.

As I drank in those two simple words, I felt as I though I was seeing Jesus in a brand new way.

My twenty-one-year-old self knew this moment was life changing. I knew I would never be the same. I had no idea the Holy Spirit was beginning the long process of taking down a belief system I had built my life around.

This moment would lay a foundation for a new way of living in my late twenties when life would turn upside down with church planting (which I expected) and again in my mid-thirties (which she did not expect) when I became the mama to a beautiful, special needs daughter.

Growing up, one of the sayings in our home was, “we do not make decisions based on our emotions.” This is solid advice. However, as a child and teenager I interpreted this wisdom as “emotions are bad and not to be trusted.” Not the intended message at all, but where I landed.

My subconscious put together a belief system, or a way to live, that did not include tears. By my definition, I was free to be happy, excited, thoughtful, kind, passionate, funny, compassionate, courageous, daring, and bold.

I was not allowed to feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad, fearful, self-pity, embarrassment or stressed. I learned to stuff those emotions away where they would be safe…until my stuffed emotional box was bulging and overflowing. I would erupt in anger over minor or even perceived offenses.

My growing up years were marked by embracing the fun-loving, easy-going, happy-go-lucky side of my personality. All the while ignoring the hurting, broken, heartache.

Rejected? “It was fine.”

Hurt? “It was fine.”

Angry? “It was FINE.”

Stressed? My entire chin would break out in cold sores. But hey, “it was fine.”

No one intended for me to live this way. Not myself or my parents, and absolutely not God.

“Jesus wept.” Two words exposed how flawed my thinking was. Taking a step back, re-examining Jesus with fresh eyes.

Fully God and fully man. He is perfect and with all the emotions that come with being human. He did not try to cover up his sadness, He did not put on a brave face and pretend like everything was fine. Jesus, in all His perfection, gives us permission to feel, to cry, and to express deep sadness. He gives you permission.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalms 56:8

Every single tear matters to God.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Even when we feel alone, we are saved and safe.

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Feeling overwhelmed or tired is a normal part of life. God expects us to feel overwhelmed and tired. He offers relief.

There are no pre-qualifiers for this invitation. If you are any amount of weary or burdened, “come.”

God gives permission to grieve, to cry, to feel our affliction no matter how big or small. He is present for all of our pain.

He is a better Father than any human could ever dream up; gentle, patient, kind and forgiving. He fully understands all that we face and deeply sympathizes with all our emotions.

Jesus offers salvation from our self-made prisons. He steps into our pit. He gets down in the dirt where we lay and lifts us into his safe arms of permission, whispering “I understand. I am here. You are not alone.”

Reading the words again and again, mind and heart making a connection that had been staring me in the face my entire life. Jesus makes all things new. Rev 21:5