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“Is it even worth it?”
“What do you mean?” My consoler asked.
“Is it worth feeling? I think I was happier before I knew what I was feeling. Is it worth unraveling all that I think I know? Will it ever get better?” The words stumbled out of my mouth like…
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“Matt, I need to tell you something.”
“Ok”
I took a deep breath before I continued. My tears fell unbridled.
“I have begun to have thoughts about taking my life. And thoughts about how to take Finley with me.”
Grief, concern, sympathy and care all sat on Matt’s face. We sat on our…
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“Why do you feel like a failure?” The question was gentle but direct.
“I think I believe that Finley’s progress is tied to my performance. So if she does not progress that means I am failing.”
“Heather, she has a brain injury that is unpredictable. How can you hold yourself to…
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“Mama, I want to ask you something but I am scared.” Paisley’s sweet face looked up at me, craving my undivided attention.
“Ok, let’s go out to the porch and talk.” I guided her out of the house quietly so no one would follow us out. We snuggled up under…
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“A year and a half ago I was contemplating how to take my life and my child’s life.”
Stage lights streamed down blanketing the crowd in a misty grey. I heard my voice but felt as if I was watching myself. A train wreck daring to lay it all out…
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“I am doing ALL THE THINGS!” Desperation clung to every word. I was hurt and angry and broken and depleted and desperate for change. I was not desperate for a physical change, I was desperate for an inner change.
“ I am consistently doing all the practices that have been…
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“I feel as though I am fully experiencing Paisley for the first time in 7 years.” I explained to Matt as tears poured down my cheeks.
“I feel like Cerebral Palsy has robbed us from our older three children.” I broke. The words I had felt for so long found…
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“I understand what it is like to watch your child operate in a body that limits their ability.”
My heart stopped. Tears sprang into my eyes. What?
I had been praying, well more like complaining, earlier that day to God about feeling so alone in my grief and sadness about Finley’s…
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Dear Reader,
Thank you for going on this writing challenge with me. Thank you for the encouragements and inspiring words you have offered along the way. Thank you for your kindness and gentleness when I shared some of the deepest parts of my heart. Thank you for connecting and participating…
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“If it weren’t for Finley’s Cerebral Palsy we would’ve have our house, our elevator, our dog or our parking spot.” Our 11 year old was listing out gratitudes when life is hard. Lemonade from lemons.
I smiled, “that’s right bud.” I automatically responded while my insides played tug of war between…
Hi lovely people! My name is Heather and I am so glad you are here. I am writing to you in the middle of my story, from the place where I don't know how it will all turn out, when the story is incomplete, when days are marked by uncertainty, dashed dreams, an unsure future and gripping on to Jesus and loosing my grip and finding he grips me back. Come along with me.