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Blinking. Blinking.
Seventies blue tile came into focus. I was laying on the bathroom floor.
Breathe. I instructed my thoughts. Just breathe.
The last thing I remembered was standing in the bathroom, talking to Matt about the results of our last ultrasound, pointing to the possibility that Finley was going to have…
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“Hi Mama!” My heart leaps inside of my chest as I recognize a voice I have heard in part, but not in full. Tears of joy fill my eyes, a giant lump is in my throat. Slowly turning, my eyes behold my youngest daughter.
Finley has finally met me in…
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“Finley, would you like some pancakes?”
“Nigh.” she replied.
“Would you like some grilled cheese?”
“Nigh.”
“Would you like some mac-n-cheese?”
“Nigh.”
“Finley, would you like some mac-n-cheese?” I tried again.
“YEAH!”
“Ok. We will get you some.”
Our family was nestled around a table at our favorite breakfast restaurant. We had been given a gift card as…
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“It is ridiculous that I am even starting a blog! I don’t even read any blogs!” Doubt was creeping in on the call to write publically about our special needs journey.
“If our story helps one person, it will be worth it.” Matt said. He spoke the words I had…
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“Jesus Wept.”
The words seemed to jump off the page and slap me in the face. “Jesus wept.”
I was twenty-one and had known this verse for as long as I could remember. It is classic Bible trivia, “What is the shortest verse in the bible?” Answer, “Jesus wept.”
The Word became…
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“Ma-maaaaaa!” Finley exclaimed, trying to get my attention. My eyes were plastered to our 14-year-old son who was up to bat.
“Hold-on, Fin-Fin. Jones is batting! Let’s cheer for him! Say go Jones, go!”
“Yaaay!” Finley threw her hands in the air.
“Crack!” Went the bat as the ball contacted metal!
“GO JONES!!”…
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“Hold still, darlin’.” I instructed as I struggled to get Finley’s hip wrap into place.
“AAAAHHH!” She yelled, unhappy about laying on the floor.
“Finley.” I said sternly. “We have to get your straps on. This is good for your hips.” I explained, doubt creeping in as I questioned my own…
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“I’m SINGING IN THE RAIN! JUST SINGING IN THE RAIN! WHAT A GLORIOUS FEELING…” Jones belted the old song from the top of his lungs while holding and spinning Finley at top speed. She squealed with delight and could barely catch her breath from the laughter.
“MA!” Finley exclaimed as…
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“MAAAAA!” Finley exclaimed emphatically. “Ma” and “My” are Finley’s go-to words in her extremely limited vocabulary. They could mean absolutely anything in the world. Sometimes the answer is obvious and other times it is an impossible mystery for me to solve.
“Can you point to what you want, Finley?” I…
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“Hey Heather, can I interrupt real quick?” Dillon asked. Matt and I were talking with some close friends at a church leadership conference with about 300 other church leaders. We all turned our attention to Dillon.
“Sure.”
“Do you know Laura?”
“No, I don’t. Hi, I’m Heather.” I introduced myself.
“Laura shared something…
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“For Mama: READ THIS NOW! Psalms 46:1-5 From Paisley.”
I smiled as I saw our ten year olds handwriting scrawled on a notecard, in big bold letters. The note was waiting for me outside our bedroom door. It was five am and she was sound asleep. ‘Sweet Paisley. She must…
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“I am just so discouraged that I am back in this place.” I found myself saying. Tears spilled down my face as the words tumbled out of my mouth. As I said the words, realization of how true they were came flooding in. I had been pushing on, pushing…
“What small things can you celebrate today?”
I looked at my phone as the text came through from the coaching group I was participating in. The text had caught me on one of those days that started out great-complete with a workout, time with God and a cup of decaf…
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“I’m not sure how to ask this question.” My mentor shared. She was full of compassion and grace and fully committed to pushing me towards God.
“It’s ok. You are free to ask anyway.” I encouraged, knowing her questions were always helpful and always from a place of wanting to…
Hi lovely people! My name is Heather and I am so glad you are here. I am writing to you in the middle of my story, from the place where I don't know how it will all turn out, when the story is incomplete, when days are marked by uncertainty, dashed dreams, an unsure future and gripping on to Jesus and loosing my grip and finding he grips me back. Come along with me.